Choosing A Wife

A man wanted to get married, but he was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He decides to give each woman a present of $5,000, then waits to see what each one does with the money.

The first woman does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets here done, new makeup and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she as done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

He thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

They are different in the South

The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past 5 years,whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in fourwheel drive pickup trucks and SUV's in an effort to determine inf atal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find in 41 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, " O Shit!"

Only the states of Georgia, South Carolina, Tennessee,Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, Kentucky, Oklahoma, Florida and Texas were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer, I'm gonna try somethin."

Why Michigan Still SUCKS

A few pictures say it all Go BUCKS!!!

Why Michigan Sucks

Michigan Sucks

Bo Schemblecher dies and goes to heaven (yeah it supprised me too) and Jesus is giving him a tour heaven showing him around. Jesus takes him to his house and tells him that not everyone gets their own house in heaven and that he is lucky to have it. Jesus is showing him around his small one story brick house with a faded Michigan banner hanging above the mantle, and as he is walking around he looks out the window and is appauhled by what he sees: On the hill accross the street is a huge three story Mansion with huge white marble pillars and OSU banners flying everywhere The Buckeye Battle Cry is blarring from hidden speakers. Bo looks at Jesus and says "I don't mean to be unappreciative but I'm curious: why does Woody get a huge house and I get this little tiny house?" "Thats not Woddys house" Says Jesus "Thats mine."




Money from day of missed work: $ 120.00
Gas to Ann Arbor MI $65.00
Trespassing fine: $210.00

Telling the Big House FUCK Michigan: Priceless
There are somethings money can't buy for eveyone else there's the Buckeyes
GO BUCKS

Little Kristen is sitting in her kindergarten grade class one day and the teacher Miss Moris is telling the class that she graduated from The University of Michigan and that she is a Wolverine, she asks the class how many of them are Wolverines. Well most of the class not wanting to be unlike their teacher raise their hands, but little Kristen is the only one who keeps her hand down.
The Teacher asks her "What!? your not a Wolverine???!!"
"Nope"
"Well WHAT are you then???"
"I'm an Ohio State Buckeye" smirks Kristen
"And why are you a Buckeye" fumes Miss Moris
"Because my Mommy and Daddy are Buckeyes"
"Well What if you parents were Idiots??!"
"Then I'd be a Wolverine"

Don't Forget Ann Arbor is a Whore!!!!!!



It is late in the OSU-Michigan game on an overcast day. Michigan has the ball on the OSU 3, with 2 seconds left, and down 24-20. There is time for one more play. Lloyd Carr calls timeout. As the team is coming to the sideline, Lloyd looks to the heavens and says, "God - I've been a good man. A churchgoing man. I've tried to do what's right and I've never asked you for anything. But, this is a big game and if I could get a little guidance, I would be forever grateful."

The clouds part, sun shines on Lloyd and he hears a voice bellow "I Right 39 Pitch Trap".Lloyd can't believe it! God himself gave him the play! It'll work for sure. The team comes to the sideline and Lloyd excitedly gives them the play.

The timeout ends and the teams come back on the field. Lloyd can barely contain his excitement - he's going to win. Play resumes and the ball is snapped. The Chad Henne to Kevin Grady. For a split second, there's a hole - which is quickly filled by AJ Hawk, who tackles Grady well short of the goal line.

Time expires and Ohio State players storm the field to celebrate the win. Lloyd is in shock - he can't believe the play didn't work.

Lloyd looks to the heavens and cries, "God - why did you call THAT play?"
God looks down, shrugs, turns to his right and says......."Woody - Why did we call that play?"


GO BUCKEYES !!!!